Your children need your presence more than your presents. - Jesse Jackson

Yesterday, I went home unusually early and excited to teach my son some basketball for the first time. Not surprisingly, he got on his shoes faster than he usually does, and with a big shining smile. We played, had fun and talked seriously about basketball, life and God. I can see very clearly that he was so happy that I came home early and kept my promise to teach him basketball. After a couple of hours as we walked home he said, “Thank you daddy” – and that made my day.

As parents, and being so busy at work, we tend to drift into ‘auto-pilot’ mode thinking that our kids will just be fine even with our hectic schedules so long as we can put them to good schools and provide them the things they need. The truth is, they need more of us, our time and we need to be more hands on with them like: taking a concious effort to join them to dinner, go to church on sundays, go to a park and find regular time to talk to them individually. No good child was ever brought up in the absence of good ‘hands-on’ parenting.

Being a ‘hands-on parent’ means being in control of ones’ time for the children and doing things with them. This practice provide real-time guidance and quality time that will indelibly mark our children’s memories and shape them according to our will and purpose.

This is my only son, Miguel. I still felt somewhat guilty for what I said to my son last night. I shouldn’t have made such a joke and swear it wouldn’t happen again.

We were just having the usual evening fun in my bedroom when I said a real bad joke. The conversation went something like this:

Me: “Miguel, don’t call me dad. Just call me ‘kuya’ (big brother) instead”

Miguel: “You’re not my ‘kuya’. You’re my dad! Why would I call you one?”

Me: “Because I am not your dad (I jokingly said), so just call me ‘kuya’.”

Miguel: He suddenly was mesmerized to what i just said and reasoned out. “That’s not true!”

Me: “It is (still waiting how he would react) look at yourself. Do we look alike? Do I have a beautiful almond eyes like yours? Do I have a fairer complexion like yours? We definitely do not look look alike”

After that he paused a while, kept really quiet, turned his back on me and drooped his head. He remained like that for a good ten minutes – feeling sorry and quiet. Knowing what I said was wrong, I slowly approached him and said:

Me: “Miguel, you don’t think I’m serious right? I was just teasing you. It was just a joke.”

Miguel: Still unmoved and remained quiet.

When it was time for my wife to get in and prepare the kids to bed, he found Miguel quietly weeping. She came over and asked: what went wrong? Almost immediately, Miguel cried aloud and poured his heart out. I was shocked and felt really bad for what I did.

Miguel – “Mom, dad said a really bad joke!”

My wife shot a stern gaze at me and returned to him.

Wife – “It was just meant to be a joke.”

Miguel – “Yes, but seems like it was real!” And cried some more.

Somehow, we were able to convince him that night that it doesn’t mean anything and that I was sorry for the things I’ve said. I gave him a reassuring hug and kissed him goodnight.

Lesson Learned:

Never make adult jokes on kids, most specially jokes about paternity.